well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
