I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
