I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Gay?
German.
Pity.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
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