So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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