I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
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