All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
I forgot how hot balto sounded
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
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