Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
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