When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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