I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
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