Define "chronic" masturbator.
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
