kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
