the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
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