I hate all girls vehemently.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Randomize
