I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
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