Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
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