i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Randomize
