Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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