also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
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