Im at strip club and am horny
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Randomize
