Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Randomize
