Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Randomize
