Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
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