Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
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