I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Randomize
