Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
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