why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
Dick very happy bro
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Randomize
