That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Randomize
