went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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