someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Randomize
