were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Randomize
