Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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