There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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