I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Randomize
