i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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