got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
