this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
