I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
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