Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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