We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
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