Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Randomize
