my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
