I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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