My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
