grandma shit on top of the toilet
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Randomize
