Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
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