I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
Randomize
