My pussy is not your playground.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
I stole a fireplace last night.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
Randomize
