I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
