Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Randomize
