Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
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