An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
