i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
