every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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