I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
