Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
He felt like a one man threesome
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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