can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
I don't want my vagina anymore.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
We should write a country song: âBlacked Out on a Sundayâ
Randomize
