My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Less talking, more tequila
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Randomize
