i may or may not be watching the land before time
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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