How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
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