everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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