She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
