She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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