He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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