is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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