Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
