Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
My apartment stinks of burning failure
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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