If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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